On behalf of the institution of literature, I would like to apologize to anyone who experienced physical, emotional, or gastrointestinal discomfort as a direct result of last night’s episode of Game of Thrones. Nobody should have had to see that. Nobody.
But of course I’m still going to recap it. Spoilers after the jump.
The Dink is disappointed that this doll is not an Emmy. Yet.
Sucks to be a lot of people this week. Sucks to be on the Iron Throne when this war is really just beginning. Sucks to be Theon Greyjoy. Sucks to be an Essosian goatherd. Sucks to be a Meereenese noble. Sucks to be a eunuch. Sucks to be on the small council…but really, can anything suck as much as it sucks to be Tyrion Lannister?
Next time take Roose Bolton’s advice and aim for his head, Arya.
Halfway through the fourth season of Game of Thrones, we finally get an answer to THE mystery that is responsible for everything that has happened so far in the show (except for that weird stuff with the White Walkers, we don’t know what’s up with that). It was a very subtle reveal and it took a while to get there, but it has major consequences for the way we view a primary character! The mystery solved, and the recap below:
Pretend that you are one of the showrunners for Game of Thrones. Last week was The Purple Wedding, one of the most anticipated and celebrated episodes of your series. For the next week’s episode, you have two choices: you could try to go all out and make something really cool that rides the wave of Joffrey-hate to a satisfying conclusion, or you could sleep through your alarm, roll over in bed and ask for fifty-five minutes of snooze time to get you through to the next episode.
You are not one of the showrunners for Game of Thrones. David Benioff and Dan Weiss are the showrunners for Game of Thrones. They went for option #2. Ugh.
This recap is late because I was waiting for all of you HBO GO people to get it together, form an orderly line and watch the season premiere. Are we at that point yet? Did you watch it? Are you guys okay? Do you need a blanket or something? [Photo via]